As a follow-up to my last post, I want to explore another very important question: Are you ready for a matchmaker? This is critical to ask yourself before you hire one, not just because of wasted time and effort, but because of some even more important considerations.
First, hiring a matchmaker involves giving up a degree of control to someone else. You are allowing that person to take the reins in a very personal aspect of your life. Some people just don’t like that feeling, and are very uncomfortable with it. Do you have fear or anxiety over giving up some control? Men especially can struggle with this so you have to be honest with yourself on this issue. With a matchmaker, you are letting another person co-create a life for you, and that’s not a small thing!
Next, hiring a matchmaker like me is a huge act of trust. This is closely related to control. You have to be able to trust that I will find good matches for you. Are you capable of trust in this area of your life?
Third, when you hire a matchmaker, you need the ability to let go and surrender to the outcome. For many, it’s a very different approach to finding love because of all the standard ways they’ve gone about it in the past with which they have experience: bars, online dating, social groups, mutual friends, etc. But it could be that you’ve been going to the wrong places. Or you could be attracting the same kind of people. And it’s easy to get frustrated with online dating. You can go through dozens of profiles and finally find one you like, then reach out only to discover the guy isn’t even available. Some guys do get lucky, but you should be able to accept that you haven’t been successful, for whatever reason, and let go. You have to say: “I’m ready to outsource my love life” …to someone who will talk to me, find out about me, and make a match based on important values.
The next thing to consider is the role of a matchmaker. This goes back to “planting a seed” which I mentioned earlier. I don’t take this role lightly because it is a big responsibility and my clients need to know that I know that. And when a client plants a seed, he has to water it, feed it, and help it grow; otherwise it dies. We’re in this together, and we’re working together towards the same goal: finding love for you. So you have to be ready to join forces with me, collaborate, share, and grow the seed together. Will you do that? Do you even want to do that?
Finally, you should ask yourself if you see the value in hiring a matchmaker. Do you see the value in what I’m doing for you? Or do you feel it’s too much money and you can do it yourself? Are my services a luxury, or a necessity? These answers all depend on you.
All of these questions are important because when you hire a matchmaker, that person is out there in the world, thinking about you. If your matchmaker isn’t excited about who you are, or excited to present you to other men in an honest way, then it’s not a good partnership. And this does happen sometimes. I don’t work with anyone and everyone. This is not a judgmental thing, and it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in what the client is looking for. It just means that I may not be well-versed in that specific area or that we simply don’t have the strong connection it requires to be successful in finding lasting love.
In these cases, I just refer the client to someone else. Because one thing is the same no matter who you’re dealing with: there is someone out there for everyone. Or, as I like to say, there’s a lid for every pot.
So think about it. Are you ready for a matchmaker? If the answer is yes, I can recommend a really good one.