What the F is Self Compassion?

June 30th, 2015

3-Elements-of-Self-Compassion1What the F is Self – Compassion?

It’s new to me too, maybe in the last 3 years or so I have really stared to have more self-compassion. It’s actually essential for our well-being and happiness.



Research by (Barnard & Curry, 2011). Neff (2003b), says that self-compassion consists of 3 main components:

  1. Self Kindness vs. Self Judgement
  2. Common Humanity vs. Isolation
  3. Mindfulness vs. Over Identification

A Mantra I use from Positive Psychology (you know I love Mantras – see post on Mantras)

In a seated position, place your hands on heart. Say out loud:

“I am having a really hard time” Repeat several times

“This is part of being a human being” Repeat several times

“May I be gentle and understanding with myself” Repeat several times

“I am worthy of receiving self-compassion” Repeat it several times

If you want to thrive more, if you want to be more resilient, if you want to want to live a more meaningful life, if you want to find love – first and foremost find self-compassion!


June 30th, 2015

breneMantras are life changing.

Thank you Brene Brown for introducing me to the power of Mantras! I use them daily and so do my clients. You have a challenge, I’ll present you a mantra. My definition of a mantra is: Your scared phrase that resets your limiting patterns to know what you are capable of.

Some of my favorite mantras are: I choose joy at all times, My heart is full of love… I am grateful, and one I borrowed one from Brene Brown “I Choose discomfort over resentment”.

If you are looking for love right now and have been frustrated in finding it, create a mantra for your thought that holds you back. Lets use this thought as an example: Love hasn’t worked for me in the past. A good mantra for that could be: I am deserving of love and happiness now.

Steps to using a mantra with the 3 A’s:

  1. Become AWARE of your limiting thought pattern
  2. ACKNOWLEDGE your limiting thought pattern
  3. Create a Mantra that is uplifting, positive and is so powerful that it will reset you
  4.  ACCEPT and love yourself anyway by saying your Mantra 5 times with passion

Science has now proven that for every one negative thought  you must say 5 positive thoughts.

Your homework when you read this is to identify what’s holding you back, create a mantra and repeat it 5 times. Your mood will be more elevated, you will have a sense of calm and then be able to be in a better state for manifesting the love of your life.

I also encourage you, if you haven’t already, get a taste of the one on one Coaching with Bliss. Be the 95% of clients that will find love on their own this year! Call me for a free discovery session.


June 30th, 2015

whitehouseIt is beautiful, it is fun, it is exciting and it’s liberating.

It’s a moment in history that will move generations ahead, Supreme Court’s Decision on same-sex marriage.

It is freedom! Freedom to love. Let’s take a moment and celebrate how far we have come. I know that I feel immense gratitude, as do many of my clients, my partner and all our families that are a part of this revolution.

Finding Bliss was at San Francisco Pride this weekend, being grateful and rejoicing in celebration. The passion I have for love feels even greater and immeasurable.

Love is possible for you and anyone who has a burning desire to give it and receive it. I feel more inspired than ever to create more thriving relationships. I hope you take a moment and raise your glass with PRIDE in your heart and remember that #LoveWins, it always has and always will.

Cocktails & Conversations

June 30th, 2015

photoFinding Bliss has been movin’and shakin’ in 2015 – creating love like crazy! Even though I haven’t been active in writing and postings, I have been overly dedicated to my clients and forming new relationships with themselves and with their new partners.

Some of my favorite experiences this year have been bumping into former clients, hearing about how their love stories have progressed, finding love in my own life, inspiring new clients through my love story and the stories of former clients, working with all sexual orientations , attending events and mostly speaking at events!

My goal in the beginning is this year was to start speaking at more events everywhere about love and how it’s possible, it’s inevitable if you just let go and let love happen!

One of the most recent speaking engagements I did was for San Francisco AIDS Foundation’s City Council. They presented a beautiful event at the Thirsty Bear in San Francisco called Cocktails & Conversation which I had the honor of being the guest speaker. The Cocktails very yummy and the Conversations with this crowd were even yummier. We discussed how to form a long lasting connection with someone special in this tech filled, online dating world. We also discussed the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Finding Bliss loves making a difference!

Are you ready for a matchmaker?

January 10th, 2015

Ready to hire a matchmakerAs a follow-up to my last post, I want to explore another very important question: Are you ready for a matchmaker? This is critical to ask yourself before you hire one, not just because of wasted time and effort, but because of some even more important considerations.

First, hiring a matchmaker involves giving up a degree of control to someone else. You are allowing that person to take the reins in a very personal aspect of your life. Some people just don’t like that feeling, and are very uncomfortable with it. Do you have fear or anxiety over giving up some control? Men especially can struggle with this so you have to be honest with yourself on this issue. With a matchmaker, you are letting another person co-create a life for you, and that’s not a small thing!

Next, hiring a matchmaker like me is a huge act of trust. This is closely related to control. You have to be able to trust that I will find good matches for you. Are you capable of trust in this area of your life?

Third, when you hire a matchmaker, you need the ability to let go and surrender to the outcome. For many, it’s a very different approach to finding love because of all the standard ways they’ve gone about it in the past with which they have experience: bars, online dating, social groups, mutual friends, etc. But it could be that you’ve been going to the wrong places. Or you could be attracting the same kind of people. And it’s easy to get frustrated with online dating. You can go through dozens of profiles and finally find one you like, then reach out only to discover the guy isn’t even available. Some guys do get lucky, but you should be able to accept that you haven’t been successful, for whatever reason, and let go. You have to say: “I’m ready to outsource my love life” …to someone who will talk to me, find out about me, and make a match based on important values.

The next thing to consider is the role of a matchmaker. This goes back to “planting a seed” which I mentioned earlier. I don’t take this role lightly because it is a big responsibility and my clients need to know that I know that. And when a client plants a seed, he has to water it, feed it, and help it grow; otherwise it dies. We’re in this together, and we’re working together towards the same goal: finding love for you. So you have to be ready to join forces with me, collaborate, share, and grow the seed together. Will you do that? Do you even want to do that?

Finally, you should ask yourself if you see the value in hiring a matchmaker. Do you see the value in what I’m doing for you? Or do you feel it’s too much money and you can do it yourself? Are my services a luxury, or a necessity? These answers all depend on you.

All of these questions are important because when you hire a matchmaker, that person is out there in the world, thinking about you. If your matchmaker isn’t excited about who you are, or excited to present you to other men in an honest way, then it’s not a good partnership. And this does happen sometimes. I don’t work with anyone and everyone. This is not a judgmental thing, and it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in what the client is looking for. It just means that I may not be well-versed in that specific area or that we simply don’t have the strong connection it requires to be successful in finding lasting love.

In these cases, I just refer the client to someone else. Because one thing is the same no matter who you’re dealing with: there is someone out there for everyone. Or, as I like to say, there’s a lid for every pot.

So think about it. Are you ready for a matchmaker? If the answer is yes, I can recommend a really good one.  🙂

Coaching, the Miss Bliss Way

December 27th, 2014

relationship coaching for gay male relationshipsAs you know by now, when I make my matches I go way beyond physical attributes, geographical locations, and hobbies. I dive into the personality, psyche, and motivations of my clients. I coach them through the entire process of opening up to love and finding it. Which is so much more satisfying than comparing check boxes on intake forms.

The coaching I do for my clients is extraordinarily empowering for them; it helps them approach and experience the process with a feeling of action. Like they’re participating in their own search; their own journey to love.

When you’re my client, we talk about the fears and challenges you’ve had in the past, but we don’t get stuck in the past. We look at the future and how I can support you to make a change. Now, that’s not to say I’m a therapist because I’m not. We don’t really look at the deep-seated root of the problem. But I do help with developing practical ways you can shift the behaviors and perceptions that are holding you back.

This is because, as I say quite frequently, the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. You have to look at these things if you want to be successful in your search for love.

For me, it goes back to the core value of conceive / believe / achieve. I guide my clients through making the choices that are really right for them. I raise awareness of where they hold back, and help them know what their own story is. Once we have a breakthrough, they make healthier choices for their life, which helps clears the way for them to create a healthy relationship.

But sustainable change in life doesn’t happen in one session. It’s an ongoing process and I suggest ten + coaching sessions to make a shift to where you can create a healthy, sustainable relationship. Through it all, I give tons of advice, we talk through solutions, and have a ton of back-and-forth.

The result is pretty phenomenal. My clients get more clarity and understanding, feel more fulfilled, and become more empowered. It’s one of the most gratifying parts of what I do. I just love it!

I’ve even seen clients drop friends. They don’t maintain relationships that aren’t healthy or that don’t’ support their shift. The refuse to be a doormat any longer, if that was the case in their lives before. They take charge, gain power, and become a force for good and for change in their own lives. sometimes that upsets the dynamic between friends and leaves little choice but to part ways. And that’s not a bad thing; that’s growth. And if people do leave your life, know that others will come in. You’ll attract people who will be good for you, who support the new and improved version of you – friends, peers, cohorts, and ultimately, a love relationship.

In my coaching, I create a place where you’ll feel safe, and can let go of so much. Best of all: It’s a 100% completely judge-free zone. In fact, I don’t even own a gavel.

The Two Magic Words – ‘Right Now’

August 11th, 2014

Hands over heartHow many times do we feel different emotions throughout the day?  We may wake up feeling sad, then something happens that brightens our day, later on we may get irritated or frustrated on the way to work, you get the picture.  Did you know the average person experiences more than 30 emotions within a 24 hour period?

This wouldn’t pose any issue if we went from feeling happy, to loving, to trusting and back to joy again, yet when we experience those that have a negative connotation, we tend to feel guilty about it. These may include sadness, anger, resentment, resistance and fear, really all of the emotions that lie outside of our core values.   Well, here’s the good news: It’s OK to feel that way! Negative emotions are not bad – they are simply a reaction to an event, and the experience actually helps us to become stronger and more resilient.

When you experience a negative emotion, instead of getting stuck there or beating yourself up about it, simply acknowledge the emotion. Allow yourself to feel through the emotion.  It could be a few minutes, or it might only take a couple of seconds to shift.

Here’s a little technique I learned during my experience with Dr. Aidan Kinsella at Verve Wellness Studio. Place your hands over your heart and say “Right now I feel…” and then state the negative emotion. Connect to your heart and allow yourself to just feel.  Once you feel through the emotion, you become open and allow yourself to receive instead of being closed off with walls up around you.

(The technique is called Somatic Respiratory Integration, and was developed by Dr. Donald Epstein, D.C, who is also the author of the Twelve Stages of Healing and Healing Myths, Healing Magic)

21 Days to Find Your ‘Happy’

July 28th, 2014

The Happiness Advantage: 21 Days to 'Happy'

I recently participated in a 21 day challenge that I want to share with you.  It was truly an amazing experience, where I focused on creating everything that just feels good. I took the challenge for the first time during a very difficult break up, and I came out on the other side feeling resilient and full of joy and happiness.

This challenge is designed by Shawn Achor, author of ‘The Happiness Advantage’ and Michelle Gielan.  Most people believe that reaching some sort of milestone will lead to happiness – finding your soul mate, getting the perfect job, reaching a certain level of income – the list goes on and on. What Shawn discovered in his research is that happiness is elusive when it’s based on external events.  It turns out that reversing the formula leads to greater results and greater happiness – choose to create happiness first, and every aspect of your life begins to blossom.

Here are the 5 habits that I practiced during the 21 day challenge:

  1. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. This improves everything in your life – spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally.  Writing these improves your optimism, and also increases the level of success you achieve. You can use an app, or write them down if you prefer to do it that way. (I use Gratitude 365)
  2. Focus on the positive. For two minutes a day, journal your positive experiences.  This exercise helps recreate the essence of the event, helping you relive the best moments of your life. (I use My Wonderful Days)
  3. Exercise every day – any form, for any length of time. This will teach your brain different behavior patterns, which will cause a domino effect of positive energy and creativity for the rest of the day.
  4. Meditate for a few minutes each day. Meditation allows your body and mind to relax, and allows you to just be in the present moment.
  5. Random acts of kindness. Choose an area in your life that you would like to work on, and then commit to a random act of kindness in that area each day.  For me, my focus was money. Each day I did things like paying someone’s bill at a restaurant; paying for a stranger’s BART ticket; paying the bridge toll for the person behind me, and giving extraordinary tips to service providers. There is an unexplainable benefit to being outward focused!

This challenge created such positive energy in my life that I want to encourage you to participate in the challenge as well – there’s no telling what the universe has in store for you when you practice being happy! You can find information about the upcoming Master Class at www.thehappinessadvantage.com.

Summer Love: 5 Ways to Create a Better Dating Experience

July 21st, 2014

summer loveI like to think of June through October each year as ‘Dating Season’. The warm weather and an abundance of social events provide the perfect recipe for love connection. I also find that many people want to prepare for cooler weather and the holiday season by focusing on finding love in the summertime.

Here are a few helpful tips for those who are solo and want to be part of a duet:

  1. Be yourself from the beginning. This is critical! Don’t put your ‘date face’ on.  Let your potential love connection fall in love with who you are from day one.  This means moving past the small talk and engaging in the hard conversations early on so you can establish a good foundation.
  2. Know yourself and who you are looking for. Be clear and honest about self-reflective questions. Ask yourself “What is my intention?” “What are my strengths?” “What do I want to work on?” It’s important to embody the qualities of the person you want to be with in order to attract that person into your life. If you find that you aren’t living these qualities yet – seek help. (Hire me!)
  3. Ask genuine questions.  Instead of just asking about favorite colors and where they like to shop – ask questions like “What do you want to create in your life?” “What is your purpose?” “What are you passionate about?” “Tell me about your family?” By showing care and interest, you allow the other person to be authentic and vulnerable, moving you into relationship in a more meaningful way.
  4. Listen! Ask the question, and then listen. Engage when it is appropriate, but for the most part just sit back, reflect, and absorb what your date is sharing with you.  Learn whether they reflect the same values as you do, the important things you have in common, and discover some areas where you may complement one another.
  5. Let go of the outcome. Be in the moment. Communicate. Be open, and let go of inward focus. By detaching from any expectation you may have – you allow yourself to experience quality time and build a connection. You don’t have to know whether this is the person you will spend the rest of your life with – just focus on enjoying the time you have with them right now.

Welcome Back!

July 14th, 2014

website.soniyahI want to take a moment to share what has been going on in my world, since I haven’t been very active in writing for Finding Bliss. Although I have not been sharing posts online, I have been as dedicated to my clients as ever, and continuously working to help create deep and meaningful relationships.

In 2013, I went through a divorce from a 4 year relationship.  This profound experience gave me the opportunity to recognize the 3 ways I have used to cope with grief.

  • Hibernate
  • Emotional eating
  • Withdraw into sadness

Fortunately I recognized this, and so the early part of 2014 has been focused on putting me first.

Although this has been a time of great sadness, I feel that because of this experience I am able to relate so much more deeply to my clients, and how their past relationships can affect their ability to move forward in finding love. I feel as though I was meant to go through this personal journey so I could have even more understanding and compassion in coming through to the other side.

Although the blog has been on the back burner, my coaching program has blossomed.  The new relationships that have been created throughout the past year have been nothing short of phenomenal!  I have also had the opportunity to share in some of the most rewarding experiences, with people who mean so much to me.

One of the most memorable occurred when I was in New York to meet with a client.  I was walking through Central Park when I unexpectedly bumped into a former client and his partner. Their relationship was thriving!  That was one of the most rewarding and heartwarming experiences, and ultimately it is the reason I am inspired to write again.


P.S. Stay tuned for video blogs – coming soon!