Archive for the ‘General’ Category

Create Your Vision Board

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

I am so happy to have discovered another great resource to share with you in my never-ending quest to help my gay male clients find the successful love relationship they, and all gay men, deserve. It’s a fascinating book called Feng Shui Life Mapping by Salvatore Manzi. His website is here.

I particularly like the chapter on Vision Boarding, which is a process in which you create a collage on a feng shui bagua. You may know that in feng shui there are nine baguas, areas of your home that correspond to the nine areas of your life. The one I want to focus on is, of course, the Love and Partnership bagua located at the back, right-hand corner of your home.

A vision board is good because creating clear intention and setting goals is not always enough for everyone. For love and partnership, your vision board could include visual representations like a candlelit dinner table, kissing lips, hands clasped together, etc. The key is to really think about specific images. You can also have verbal affirmations as part of your vision board, like, “I am going on a fabulous vacation with my ideal partner” or whatever inspires/motivates you.

There are three steps to creating a successful vision board:

• give yourself 25 minutes to find the images

• tear the whole page from the book/magazine instead of cutting it out and trying

to crop it perfectly or get the perfect size

• collage for 25 minutes

Don’t strive for perfection. It can be all over the place. In fact, that’s what a collage is supposed to be.

To “activate” your vision board (very important!) do these three things:

• share it with people you love – this is vital because the power of a shared intention makes it manifest faster

• display your feng shui map. Meditate on it. Put it on your phone, or make it the wallpaper for your laptop. Put it by your desk. The key is to have it where you’ll see it.

• put it in the actual love and partnership bagua – the rear, right-hand corner of your home

I love my vision board and I get lots of inspiration and power from it. I know you will too. Salvatore Manzi is all about creating a supportive environment that propels you to your dreams. I couldn’t agree more. Try vision boarding for yourself and let me know how it goes. Better yet, send me a picture of yours, if you’d like to. I’d love to see it!

My dog ate my homework

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

Stop making excusesSometimes on our path towards love we encounter all sorts of excuses why we can’t stay on the path and some of them have little or nothing to do with being gay. These excuses can crop up throughout our day when we least expect it –sometimes we don’t even notice them – and they prevent us from making progress toward the things we want.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, who as you know is one of my favorites, has created a mobile app you can take on the road with you as a weapon of sorts against all those excuses. It’s called The Excuses Begone app, and it’s based on his book by the same name. It features 18 of the most common excuses and the affirmations to defeat them. And, it’s free!

Just go to the iTunes store to download it. It’s an on-the-go way to help create the life you want. Let go of I’m too busy, I’m too tired, It’s too hard and all your other excuses. And get on with getting where you want to go.

Use Your Words

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Another challenge on the road to a lasting relationship is learning the skill of conscious communication. It’s not an inborn gift, but with practice you can become a master of clear communication. According to psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, it’s a simple process:

1. Identify the event that triggered your emotional upset. Be as objective as possible when doing this. Saying “My boyfriend is never on time,” is less useful than saying “He said he’d be here at 7:00 and didn’t show up until 7:30.”

2. Take responsibility for your feelings. Describe your feelings like this: “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel jealous.” Avoid words that reinforce a sense of victimization, such as “I feel neglected” or “I feel rejected.” When you do this, you’re informing the other person, not blaming him.

3. Identify what you need that you’re not receiving. Most of us subconsciously expect our loved ones to know what we need and to spontaneously provide it. I don’t have to tell you that this rarely happens.

4. Ask for what you want. Be specific when doing this. For example, if you want more attention from your partner, don’t just ask him to spend more time with you.

Ask him to go on a walk with you after dinner, or to a movie on Saturday night. But don’t make demands because we all have an inherent impulse to resist demands. And the cool part is that our self-esteem is raised when we’re able to fulfill a request.

Follow these four steps, and you’re much more likely to feel comfortable and at ease – both in your own skin and in a gay relationship – as opposed to going through your days in emotional distress.

Conscious communication and emotional awareness are vital components of the Chopra Center’s Perfect Health program. Learn more here.

Five Steps to Bliss

Saturday, March 31st, 2012

If your intention is to find bliss, here are five steps you can follow to help you.

 

1 – Acknowledge

Acknowledge your fears, and challenges. Also acknowledge that, like all of us, you’re culturally conditioned to accept what life gives you and that we have no power to change it. Nothing could be further from the truth! But acknowledging the negative in life, allowing it to be with you, gives you the ability to shift it. You can forgive yourself, then change the behavior around it.

 

2 – Imagine

Thinking with awareness is very powerful, especially if you know yourself. Imagine yourself in a healthy relationship with a loving partner can do wonders in manifesting it in your life. Refer to my previous entry about “I am” statements.

 

3 – Believe

What are your dreams and your beliefs about your dreams? Are you willing to change the concept of yourself from ordinary to champion, or from lonely to lover? Really believing in yourself – and what you imagine for your life – is your greatest power. This is one of the core values I teach my clients so it’s one of the steps to finding bliss too. What do you tell yourself when you look in the mirror? Try this simple exercise: Write 5 positive characteristics that describe who you want to be today. See what happens!

 

4 – Feel

This is where the other guy comes in. Allow yourself to feel the emotion of being with a partner. Try another exercise I call Magic Wand, which is a visualization with your eyes closed. Imagine the wand can erase all your fears and uncertainties from the past, and start imagining your ideal man: his skin, hair, clothes, smell, feel, personality, back story, all of it. Continue with imagining your life together, and let the emotions that come up for you wash over you. Stay with the visual for a while. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Put it on the mirror or somewhere else you’ll see it regularly and repeatedly (at least once a day).

 

5 – Act

After all this visualizing and thinking and imagining – it’s time to give it a shot. It’s time to act. Once you believe in yourself, acting is easy (that’s why it’s the last step!). When you act, be courageous and remember that any obstacles are experience and learning lessons from which you can take away something constructive. If you step out of your comfort zone, you’d be surprised what can happen. Let people know you’re single. Tell them you’re looking. Let them know what your visualization looks like. And see what comes back to you. Be grateful for what does (more on gratitude later).

It’s easy to list steps, but it can be tougher to actually follow them. Believe me, I know. That’s why I say, “Get started!” The time is now. Your blissful future awaits.

Your Link to Intent

Monday, March 26th, 2012

Here’s another quote I find very inspirational.

“In the universe, there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link.”

– Carlos Castaneda 

This connecting link to intent is important to keep in mind. Because as we create our story and the doubts and resistance that inevitably come with it, the link gets corroded. It gets dirtier and dirtier with all the things that others have told us we can’t do, or are not possible for us. Sometimes we tell ourselves these things, and corrode the link through our own thoughts.

The good news is that there are tons of tools and resources out there to help clean it up. One of them is other people. Gifted people open their hearts to us, create a shift in our life, and help make our dreams come true. It could be a chiropractor, a therapist, a French tutor – whoever plays a role in making you feel fulfilled in some way.

Think about the people in your life – and how they help keep you linked to intent, creating a pathway to your possibilities. Because one of those possibilities, of course, is love.

In my next post, I’ll talk about five steps to help you establish your link to love.

The Essence of Your Desire

Thursday, March 22nd, 2012

Dr. Wayne Dyer, Manifest Your DestinyOne of the many books I’ve been reading recently is Manifest Your Destiny: The Nine Spiritual Principles of Getting Everything You Want by one of my favorite authors – and people – Dr. Wayne Dyer.

The 8th principle is Patiently Detach from the Outcome.

It’s hard to follow, but oh is it worth it.

It addresses how we set specific goals for ourselves, but then start talking from the ego and subsequently get sidetracked. The key to overcoming this is knowing – at your core – that you’re aligned with what you need to be doing at this time in your life, and having infinite patience about the outcome.

For example, if one of your “I am”s is: I am financially secure – then you have to forget about your current situation and really think about what you want, what your end result looks like.

How does this relate to dating hunky men? I’m so glad you asked.

It means to just remember what it feels like to be in a relationship and don’t focus on the how or the what or on how many dates it’ll take to “seal the deal.” No! Think about what it feels like to have the end result. Or, as Dr. Dyer says, think about “the essence of your desire.”

The essence could be feeling miraculous, feeling wonderful, being in love, feeling amazing, whatever.

What does the essence of being in love feel like to you?

Focus on that – and the results will come; it’s inevitable!

The bottom line is: you’ve created a story and it’s become your life. Part of that is thinking that love is not possible for you. That you can’t make it happen and you don’t have that power.

But the truth is you do – we all do. Because we are always connected. We just need to remember that.

“I am manifesting.”

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Make I am statements and manifest your futureHere’s a great quote from Neville, a spiritual teacher and philosopher who died in 1972:

Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be, for in that determined assumption you and your Infinite Being are merged in creative unity, and with your Infinite Being all things are possible.

I used this quote in one of my recent workshops and I like to remind my clients and catches of this because it really makes sense. People in general – myself included – tend to forget that we have this undeniable force and we very strong manifesters. So if we talk about the things we are not [I’m not patient, I’m not attractive, I’m not successful, I’m not lovable, etc.] these things are just going to continue to show up in our life.

So I challenge my clients to shift their perspective. Instead, create “I am”s. Some examples:

I am passionate.

I am happy.

I am determined.

I am successful.

I am in a relationship.

I am going to travel the world.

And so on.

This exercise had a huge impact in the workshop! It did indeed change the way some participants viewed things. It opened some eyes.

Even if you don’t believe these “I am”s in the moment, you can still incorporate them into a daily ritual. Make the statements, and don’t assume they may or may not be true.

Another quote I love, that’s tied to manifestation, is “Everything that has been conceived was once imagined.” Think about how true that actually is, from the invention of the paper clip to the manifestation of a happy life, well-lived.

This concept is so powerful in relationships. If we start imagining that wonderful man in our lives, if we have the power to conceive this, with a little determination we can manifest it.

What are your “I am”s? Make a list of them. Try repeating them out loud, at least once a day. Remember, they can be wide-ranging and they are unique to you. You never have to show them to anyone. But if you’d like to share some of them, I am all ears. (OMG, I just made another “I am” statement. See how easy it is?)

More examples:

I am learning another language.

I am going skiing this winter.

I am taking an art class.

I am a great communicator.

I am worthy of respect.

Whatever it is, whatever appears on this list, it should be there because it fulfills you and makes you happy. Eventually, repetition will lead to belief in these statements and in your own power to manifest them. And the more you manifest the things that fulfill you, the more open you are to finding someone to share all your wonderful “I am”s with, and who will share his with you.

Now get to “I am”ing. I am hoping to hear from you!

Talking: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

gay relationships and dating workshopI think it’s pretty funny that even though communication is vital to our relationships, especially our love relationships, we as a society have some funny substitutes for it like “blah, blah, blah” and “Yadda, yadda, yadda” (immortalized on Seinfeld).

But I’m a big advocate of talking. We tell our emotionally overwrought children who are whining or crying or fussing to “Use your words!” Well, my friends, now I’m telling you.

Great relationships start with great conversations. That means talking and freely sharing of yourself with your date/boyfriend/partner and, even more importantly, asking questions and attentively listening to his answers. That’s really all there is to it, but oh how difficult it can be to follow through on!

This concept is a cornerstone of my relationship coaching because it shifts the conventional way men approach dating. It’s very often about the goal of getting into bed. I’m not here to judge this, but just pointing out the reality as I see it.

What would happen if you tabled the getting-into-bed agenda, and instead simply had a conversation? How might you feel after an evening spent doing that? Would you feel like you accomplished something? Or would you feel unfulfilled? Do you even know? Have you ever tried it? If not, I’d like to challenge you to give it a go and see what your experience is like. Ideally, you would have an opportunity to talk to your man about it at some point after, to compare notes. This is real communication! This is the kind of conversation that creates intimacy and brings you closer. And talk about a turn-on. Trust me, if things go well when you use your mouth to talk, they will most likely go well when you use it for other activities.

If you find this topic compelling, I invite you to join me for a fun workshop called “Talking: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac.” It’s the second in my 3-part series entitled “You’re Getting Warmer: Perfecting Your Search for Mr. Right.” Details are below. Just click on the links to learn more.

 

What: Talking: The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

Where: The Gazebo, Davies Medical Center  [map]

When: Tuesday, Feb 23,  7:00-9:00 p.m.

Free and open to everyone.

Sponsored by: The Community Initiative

415.820.9606

info@thecommunityinitiative.org

Why gay matchmaking with Finding Bliss?

Monday, December 19th, 2011

why matchmaking with finding bliss, self-aware, relationship with selfThere are two reasons to hire a matchmaker.

The first is logical: You’re frustrated with the bars, don’t have the time or energy for online dating, sick of sorting through profiles, etc. That’s the practical side of it, right?

And there’s an emotional reason to hire a matchmaker, too. It could be that you’ve experienced a lot of rejection in your life as a gay man and you want to avoid the rejection that often comes in the dating world – or at least as much of it as possible. A matchmaker pre-screens people for you, and can help in this regard.

Other emotional reasons could be that you don’t feel you deserve a relationship or it’s not worth all the effort.

I mention these to explain that I help clients create a shift in their lives, and I do that through the coaching that I do. In the course of our relationship, I constantly come back to a few touchstones that I know to be true. Mainly, that no matter who you are you are worthy of love and it can happen to you. You can give and receive love. I’ve seen it happen too many times with clients who thought otherwise. But I showed them!

Forging relationships is also hard for gay men in general because most are extremely giving people by nature, and it’s hard for them to receive or accept love. I tell these clients that they can have a fulfilled, happy life if they really want it.

One of the great parts of what I do is that when a client does meet The One, that special man to call his own, it doesn’t even matter if the introduction to that man comes through me. Sometimes, a client will meet the guy himself!

The point is that my coaching gets you to a place where it can happen – where you open to love. And this is the shift I’m talking about…the shift you make in your life that wouldn’t happen without the coaching. The one that gets you ready to find the man of your dreams. It’s the shift I go for. Everything after that – meeting the man included – is easy.

As you can imagine, making a shift like this takes time. On average, it takes one of my clients six to nine months to find someone, although this is not always the case! One client found Mr. Right after two sessions with me; for another, it took nearly two years. But it isn’t a race or a contest. It’s your life. And love happens for you the way it’s supposed to happen for you. And you know what? The client for whom it took two years told me that it was completely worth it.

In some ways, the most important match I make is the one I help you make with yourself, which I think is pretty cool.

Core Values: They Matter

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

core values for business brandsRecently a colleague and a friend reminded me that having core values for your business is important, especially when you’re a business owner and the line between your business and your own person-ness is a thin one. That is definitely the case with me!

Defining – and holding – core values for your business enables you to recognize how those values show up in your day-to-day operations, understand why you do the things you do, and make sound business decisions that will truly support you in reaching your goals. Those are pretty important for business success, right?

So I decided to define the Finding Bliss Core Values and to share them with you, with the goal of holding them and imbuing them with the power they have to strengthen my brand, connect with my audience, and fuel my success. So here we go:

1. No judgment.  Ultimately, there is no right or wrong when it comes to love. Everything is a learning experience.

2. Quality vs quantity. This is true in many aspects of life, but especially so when it comes to seeking, finding, giving, receiving, and sharing love.

3. Speaking only the truth. I’ve mentioned this before, and it refers to having the willingness and the courage to have the hard conversations from the beginning. Small talk is fine to break the ice; we need it and it’s human nature to start with it. But once those shards are hitting the floor and melting away, move on to the stuff that truly matters. I give all of my clients this advice and follow it myself.

4. Being forgiving. Entire books are written about this topic but in a nutshell it boils down to letting go of the three R’s: Resentment, Resistance, and Revenge. I never want Finding Bliss to operate from a place of negativity, so I extend my forgiving nature to my brand.

5. Accepting responsibility. This is a biggie. Many of us struggle to recognize the times when we need to accept responsibility, or the times when doing so will better serve us than laying blame. Just realize that it’s okay to say “Sorry” and that sometimes you need to say it to yourself.  Remember that you are here, and I am here, and we are all here where we are today because of the choices we have made in life. So accepting responsibility for them is something that I, and Finding Bliss, wholeheartedly believe in.

6. Being supportive. Finding Bliss supports clients so they feel happy, motivated, and excited. To make that happen, the brand operates from a place of looking at the optimistic side of life, which I also do in my personal life. And note that being supportive means more than just supporting others; it also means supporting yourself.

7. Unconditional giving. Much like the previous value, this refers to yourself as well as to others. When I give to others, I do it without expecting something in return. I sometimes actually do ask myself the question: “What can I give?” Maybe JFK said it best: “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” Substitute “partner,” “boyfriend,” [or in my brand’s case, “client”] for the word “country” and you have a pretty great way of moving through life [and the business world].

8. Being impeccable. I mean impeccable in every way: with your words, your purpose, your truth. It means to keep your word because words are power;

a gift that comes directly through you. With them, you can create the events in your life [or your business]; you can create a beautiful dream or destroy everything around you. Don Miguel Ruiz talks about this in his book, The Four Agreements and I encourage you to check it out.

9. Be child-like. Children live in the present moment, with little to no worries, and they don’t take No for an answer. They are unstoppable in their optimism, imagination, creativity, and structureless pursuit of the next smile. Somewhere along the way to adulthood, we lose the vast majority of these qualities. Short of throwing tantrums and being inconsiderate, or making unsound business decisions, we should all try to be more child-like.

10. Being determined. This boils down to three things: conceive, believe, and achieve. What a great way to build a business or a brand, huh? It’s important to ask questions and be persistent in getting to the answers. An example I love to share with clients and that inspires me is Thomas Edison, who recorded some 25,000 failures in his attempt to invent a storage battery. He was once asked how it felt to fail 25,000 times and he replied: “Those were not failures. I learned 24,999 ways not to make a battery.”

I hope I’ve inspired you to think about your own core values. You should sit down and write them out; really examine them. Drill down to the center of you and figure them out, whether you end up with two, three, or ten values; whether you own a business or not. It will help you figure out what you’re looking for in a partner, and to make sound decisions when those turning points in a relationship crop up. And you know they will!