Archive for the ‘Personal progress’ Category

The Two Magic Words – ‘Right Now’

Monday, August 11th, 2014

Hands over heartHow many times do we feel different emotions throughout the day?  We may wake up feeling sad, then something happens that brightens our day, later on we may get irritated or frustrated on the way to work, you get the picture.  Did you know the average person experiences more than 30 emotions within a 24 hour period?

This wouldn’t pose any issue if we went from feeling happy, to loving, to trusting and back to joy again, yet when we experience those that have a negative connotation, we tend to feel guilty about it. These may include sadness, anger, resentment, resistance and fear, really all of the emotions that lie outside of our core values.   Well, here’s the good news: It’s OK to feel that way! Negative emotions are not bad – they are simply a reaction to an event, and the experience actually helps us to become stronger and more resilient.

When you experience a negative emotion, instead of getting stuck there or beating yourself up about it, simply acknowledge the emotion. Allow yourself to feel through the emotion.  It could be a few minutes, or it might only take a couple of seconds to shift.

Here’s a little technique I learned during my experience with Dr. Aidan Kinsella at Verve Wellness Studio. Place your hands over your heart and say “Right now I feel…” and then state the negative emotion. Connect to your heart and allow yourself to just feel.  Once you feel through the emotion, you become open and allow yourself to receive instead of being closed off with walls up around you.

(The technique is called Somatic Respiratory Integration, and was developed by Dr. Donald Epstein, D.C, who is also the author of the Twelve Stages of Healing and Healing Myths, Healing Magic)

21 Days to Find Your ‘Happy’

Monday, July 28th, 2014

The Happiness Advantage: 21 Days to 'Happy'

I recently participated in a 21 day challenge that I want to share with you.  It was truly an amazing experience, where I focused on creating everything that just feels good. I took the challenge for the first time during a very difficult break up, and I came out on the other side feeling resilient and full of joy and happiness.

This challenge is designed by Shawn Achor, author of ‘The Happiness Advantage’ and Michelle Gielan.  Most people believe that reaching some sort of milestone will lead to happiness – finding your soul mate, getting the perfect job, reaching a certain level of income – the list goes on and on. What Shawn discovered in his research is that happiness is elusive when it’s based on external events.  It turns out that reversing the formula leads to greater results and greater happiness – choose to create happiness first, and every aspect of your life begins to blossom.

Here are the 5 habits that I practiced during the 21 day challenge:

  1. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. This improves everything in your life – spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally.  Writing these improves your optimism, and also increases the level of success you achieve. You can use an app, or write them down if you prefer to do it that way. (I use Gratitude 365)
  2. Focus on the positive. For two minutes a day, journal your positive experiences.  This exercise helps recreate the essence of the event, helping you relive the best moments of your life. (I use My Wonderful Days)
  3. Exercise every day – any form, for any length of time. This will teach your brain different behavior patterns, which will cause a domino effect of positive energy and creativity for the rest of the day.
  4. Meditate for a few minutes each day. Meditation allows your body and mind to relax, and allows you to just be in the present moment.
  5. Random acts of kindness. Choose an area in your life that you would like to work on, and then commit to a random act of kindness in that area each day.  For me, my focus was money. Each day I did things like paying someone’s bill at a restaurant; paying for a stranger’s BART ticket; paying the bridge toll for the person behind me, and giving extraordinary tips to service providers. There is an unexplainable benefit to being outward focused!

This challenge created such positive energy in my life that I want to encourage you to participate in the challenge as well – there’s no telling what the universe has in store for you when you practice being happy! You can find information about the upcoming Master Class at www.thehappinessadvantage.com.

Welcome Back!

Monday, July 14th, 2014

website.soniyahI want to take a moment to share what has been going on in my world, since I haven’t been very active in writing for Finding Bliss. Although I have not been sharing posts online, I have been as dedicated to my clients as ever, and continuously working to help create deep and meaningful relationships.

In 2013, I went through a divorce from a 4 year relationship.  This profound experience gave me the opportunity to recognize the 3 ways I have used to cope with grief.

  • Hibernate
  • Emotional eating
  • Withdraw into sadness

Fortunately I recognized this, and so the early part of 2014 has been focused on putting me first.

Although this has been a time of great sadness, I feel that because of this experience I am able to relate so much more deeply to my clients, and how their past relationships can affect their ability to move forward in finding love. I feel as though I was meant to go through this personal journey so I could have even more understanding and compassion in coming through to the other side.

Although the blog has been on the back burner, my coaching program has blossomed.  The new relationships that have been created throughout the past year have been nothing short of phenomenal!  I have also had the opportunity to share in some of the most rewarding experiences, with people who mean so much to me.

One of the most memorable occurred when I was in New York to meet with a client.  I was walking through Central Park when I unexpectedly bumped into a former client and his partner. Their relationship was thriving!  That was one of the most rewarding and heartwarming experiences, and ultimately it is the reason I am inspired to write again.

~Soniyah

P.S. Stay tuned for video blogs – coming soon!

Love is in the Air!

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

prideMark this date in history, the Supreme Court has overturned the DOMA! Love and gratitude is truly in the air today. Many of us will be able to ask our loved ones to marry, to give and receive the love, rights and protection we and our families deserve. This is a historical moment that I will be savoring and celebrating every moment of, I trust that you are as well.

Conceive, believe, achieve!

Its official!

 

 

 

Living in the Heart

Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Another new discovery is Drunvalo Melchizedek, which is a complicated name for someone who teaches a very simple concept – which is, basically all about thinking from the heart. Basically, he teaches that you can create miracles and all the things you thought impossible if you go from thinking from the brain to thinking from the heart. If your intention is from the heart, no ego is involved.

The “What’s in it for me?” angle comes from the head. But the “How can I give to my partner?” or “How can I show up for my partner?” question shifts the POV to your heart, and it’s something we can all do, even if we’ve had traumas in life. The vast majority of our society doesn’t do this, though. Most of us think from our head, which makes us walking, talking egos.

This shift brings up a lot for everyone, and gay men looking for a successful love relationship are no exception. One issue is forgiveness, something I daresay most all of us could use practice in. Imagine if, after an upsetting or traumatic episode, you could say, “I forgive everyone involved in this, including myself.” That’s incredibly powerful because you can then let go of everything from your emotional body and avoid carrying a wound into a relationship.

Drunvalo has lots to say and it’s all really fascinating. I encourage you to check out all his stuff, including his website.

It’s a Man Eat Man World

Monday, May 14th, 2012

May must be National Reading Month because I have another great book to tell you about. It’s called Finding True Love in a Man Eat Man World by Craig Nelson.

The very first chapter talks about how gay men successful go about avoiding  love and gives a few archetypes they often play in gay love relationships.

Mr. Miserable focuses on his weaknesses rather than his strengths. For him, the glass is always half empty. Mr. Sabotage is caught in a trap of feeling lonely so he looks for love but when it turns serious he looks for a way out. And he repeats the cycle. Mr. Ugly thinks he’s too ugly to find someone, and ignores all the fine qualities he has. There are others, but you get the picture.

So what’s the key to avoiding becoming one of these gentlemen and to finding what we’re all looking for: someone to love us unconditionally for who we are? Good self-esteem, self-respect, and a solid sense of yourself. These will take you further in attracting a long-term lover than any other qualities you may have. And that goes for the other man, too. Once you know and accept yourself and understand “I’m a real catch” you can avoid any guy who has self-hatred and attract great guys. Real serenity and comfort are incredibly attractive magnets.

Know what you have to give. Know that others are waiting for you to give it. Not in a conceited way, but from a realistic, honest way that comes from self-knowledge and perspective. Once you come at it from that angle, you’ll attract men like flies to honey.

The bottom line: You attract what you are, not what you want.

Think about that for a while.

Create Your Vision Board

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

I am so happy to have discovered another great resource to share with you in my never-ending quest to help my gay male clients find the successful love relationship they, and all gay men, deserve. It’s a fascinating book called Feng Shui Life Mapping by Salvatore Manzi. His website is here.

I particularly like the chapter on Vision Boarding, which is a process in which you create a collage on a feng shui bagua. You may know that in feng shui there are nine baguas, areas of your home that correspond to the nine areas of your life. The one I want to focus on is, of course, the Love and Partnership bagua located at the back, right-hand corner of your home.

A vision board is good because creating clear intention and setting goals is not always enough for everyone. For love and partnership, your vision board could include visual representations like a candlelit dinner table, kissing lips, hands clasped together, etc. The key is to really think about specific images. You can also have verbal affirmations as part of your vision board, like, “I am going on a fabulous vacation with my ideal partner” or whatever inspires/motivates you.

There are three steps to creating a successful vision board:

• give yourself 25 minutes to find the images

• tear the whole page from the book/magazine instead of cutting it out and trying

to crop it perfectly or get the perfect size

• collage for 25 minutes

Don’t strive for perfection. It can be all over the place. In fact, that’s what a collage is supposed to be.

To “activate” your vision board (very important!) do these three things:

• share it with people you love – this is vital because the power of a shared intention makes it manifest faster

• display your feng shui map. Meditate on it. Put it on your phone, or make it the wallpaper for your laptop. Put it by your desk. The key is to have it where you’ll see it.

• put it in the actual love and partnership bagua – the rear, right-hand corner of your home

I love my vision board and I get lots of inspiration and power from it. I know you will too. Salvatore Manzi is all about creating a supportive environment that propels you to your dreams. I couldn’t agree more. Try vision boarding for yourself and let me know how it goes. Better yet, send me a picture of yours, if you’d like to. I’d love to see it!

Don’t Fear the Shadows

Sunday, April 29th, 2012

The path I’ve been talking about in this series of posts is, of course, the path of personal growth. I talk a lot about it because I believe it’s the key to finding bliss – the loving relationship you want. The transformational coach Debbie Ford has a lot say about this topic, too.

Ford writes that sometimes on this path we have to deal with what Carl Jung called the shadow. All the parts of ourselves we’ve tried to hide or deny, or that we think aren’t acceptable to our family, friends, and most important, ourselves. The message we get from this shadow is simple: there is something wrong with me. I’m not okay. I’m not lovable. I’m not deserving. I’m not worthy.

My message to clients is just the opposite. Of course you are worthy and lovable. We all are! The key to overcoming this obstacle on your path is to own and embrace the very things you’re most afraid of. As Debbie Ford asserts, they actually hold our most treasured gifts. And as I truly believe, this includes a sustained, beautiful loving relationship with another gay man. Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. You won’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not or prove you’re good enough. In other words, find the gifts of your shadow and you’ll find the freedom to create the life you’ve always desired.

Read more on defeating your shadows here.

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My dog ate my homework

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

Stop making excusesSometimes on our path towards love we encounter all sorts of excuses why we can’t stay on the path and some of them have little or nothing to do with being gay. These excuses can crop up throughout our day when we least expect it –sometimes we don’t even notice them – and they prevent us from making progress toward the things we want.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, who as you know is one of my favorites, has created a mobile app you can take on the road with you as a weapon of sorts against all those excuses. It’s called The Excuses Begone app, and it’s based on his book by the same name. It features 18 of the most common excuses and the affirmations to defeat them. And, it’s free!

Just go to the iTunes store to download it. It’s an on-the-go way to help create the life you want. Let go of I’m too busy, I’m too tired, It’s too hard and all your other excuses. And get on with getting where you want to go.

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Use Your Words

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Another challenge on the road to a lasting relationship is learning the skill of conscious communication. It’s not an inborn gift, but with practice you can become a master of clear communication. According to psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, it’s a simple process:

1. Identify the event that triggered your emotional upset. Be as objective as possible when doing this. Saying “My boyfriend is never on time,” is less useful than saying “He said he’d be here at 7:00 and didn’t show up until 7:30.”

2. Take responsibility for your feelings. Describe your feelings like this: “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel jealous.” Avoid words that reinforce a sense of victimization, such as “I feel neglected” or “I feel rejected.” When you do this, you’re informing the other person, not blaming him.

3. Identify what you need that you’re not receiving. Most of us subconsciously expect our loved ones to know what we need and to spontaneously provide it. I don’t have to tell you that this rarely happens.

4. Ask for what you want. Be specific when doing this. For example, if you want more attention from your partner, don’t just ask him to spend more time with you.

Ask him to go on a walk with you after dinner, or to a movie on Saturday night. But don’t make demands because we all have an inherent impulse to resist demands. And the cool part is that our self-esteem is raised when we’re able to fulfill a request.

Follow these four steps, and you’re much more likely to feel comfortable and at ease – both in your own skin and in a gay relationship – as opposed to going through your days in emotional distress.

Conscious communication and emotional awareness are vital components of the Chopra Center’s Perfect Health program. Learn more here.

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