The next Love Language, according to Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, is Acts of Service.
“Acts of Service” isn’t referring to volunteering at the local homeless shelter, as wonderful an act as that is. But this is much more personal. It means doing things you know your partner would like you to do – anything to ease the burden of responsibilities for him.
Examples of this are easy and they vary widely: vacuuming the house, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the litter box, picking up the kids’ toys. You get the idea. If your house is anything like mine, there are endless opportunities to say “I’ll get that for you” and just pitch in. Actions speak louder than words and for people who speak this love language, nothing could be more true.
This is another tough love language for gay men to speak, though. Male ego gets in the way, and neither man wants to be perceived as weak, or submissive to the other. But this isn’t about who has the power and who yields it. It’s about recognizing what your partner needs to feel loved, and giving him that. What could be more wonderful? Even the smallest action will speak volumes to your partner.
Not performing acts of service speaks volumes, too. Withholding tells your partner that his feelings don’t matter.
If you’re not sure whether your partner speaks this language, a fun way to find out is to just start doing a few little things for him and see what happens. If he speaks this language, he will let you know how much he appreciates what you did.
But I want to go on the record: picking up the Dustbuster and cleaning up crumbs = good. Giving him a Dustbuster for his birthday = crummy. It’s not the same things, guys. But you knew that, right?