Posts Tagged ‘desire’

The Essence of Your Desire

Thursday, March 22nd, 2012

Dr. Wayne Dyer, Manifest Your DestinyOne of the many books I’ve been reading recently is Manifest Your Destiny: The Nine Spiritual Principles of Getting Everything You Want by one of my favorite authors – and people – Dr. Wayne Dyer.

The 8th principle is Patiently Detach from the Outcome.

It’s hard to follow, but oh is it worth it.

It addresses how we set specific goals for ourselves, but then start talking from the ego and subsequently get sidetracked. The key to overcoming this is knowing – at your core – that you’re aligned with what you need to be doing at this time in your life, and having infinite patience about the outcome.

For example, if one of your “I am”s is: I am financially secure – then you have to forget about your current situation and really think about what you want, what your end result looks like.

How does this relate to dating hunky men? I’m so glad you asked.

It means to just remember what it feels like to be in a relationship and don’t focus on the how or the what or on how many dates it’ll take to “seal the deal.” No! Think about what it feels like to have the end result. Or, as Dr. Dyer says, think about “the essence of your desire.”

The essence could be feeling miraculous, feeling wonderful, being in love, feeling amazing, whatever.

What does the essence of being in love feel like to you?

Focus on that – and the results will come; it’s inevitable!

The bottom line is: you’ve created a story and it’s become your life. Part of that is thinking that love is not possible for you. That you can’t make it happen and you don’t have that power.

But the truth is you do – we all do. Because we are always connected. We just need to remember that.

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“I am manifesting.”

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Make I am statements and manifest your futureHere’s a great quote from Neville, a spiritual teacher and philosopher who died in 1972:

Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be, for in that determined assumption you and your Infinite Being are merged in creative unity, and with your Infinite Being all things are possible.

I used this quote in one of my recent workshops and I like to remind my clients and catches of this because it really makes sense. People in general – myself included – tend to forget that we have this undeniable force and we very strong manifesters. So if we talk about the things we are not [I’m not patient, I’m not attractive, I’m not successful, I’m not lovable, etc.] these things are just going to continue to show up in our life.

So I challenge my clients to shift their perspective. Instead, create “I am”s. Some examples:

I am passionate.

I am happy.

I am determined.

I am successful.

I am in a relationship.

I am going to travel the world.

And so on.

This exercise had a huge impact in the workshop! It did indeed change the way some participants viewed things. It opened some eyes.

Even if you don’t believe these “I am”s in the moment, you can still incorporate them into a daily ritual. Make the statements, and don’t assume they may or may not be true.

Another quote I love, that’s tied to manifestation, is “Everything that has been conceived was once imagined.” Think about how true that actually is, from the invention of the paper clip to the manifestation of a happy life, well-lived.

This concept is so powerful in relationships. If we start imagining that wonderful man in our lives, if we have the power to conceive this, with a little determination we can manifest it.

What are your “I am”s? Make a list of them. Try repeating them out loud, at least once a day. Remember, they can be wide-ranging and they are unique to you. You never have to show them to anyone. But if you’d like to share some of them, I am all ears. (OMG, I just made another “I am” statement. See how easy it is?)

More examples:

I am learning another language.

I am going skiing this winter.

I am taking an art class.

I am a great communicator.

I am worthy of respect.

Whatever it is, whatever appears on this list, it should be there because it fulfills you and makes you happy. Eventually, repetition will lead to belief in these statements and in your own power to manifest them. And the more you manifest the things that fulfill you, the more open you are to finding someone to share all your wonderful “I am”s with, and who will share his with you.

Now get to “I am”ing. I am hoping to hear from you!

The Ultimate Party Pooper

Saturday, August 27th, 2011

gay men fear of relationshipsDo you know what holds us back from complete happiness? Fear.

Fear is sneaky because we don’t always recognize it when it’s at work inside us. But, oh is it there. We all have fear, to varying degrees, in one way or another. The truth is, it prevents us from taking chances, and so it keeps us from living our lives fully. When it comes to relationships, the fear of rejection is common.

Our fears add fuel to the possible horrors of an imagined future, which prevents us from living in the present. And it’s full of conditions. We create an image of what we want others to be and when they don’t live up to that image, we judge them and find them guilty. Many times we even feel ashamed of them, or annoyed by them. We lose patience and pretend kindness. All of this is rooted in fear. Fear is just terrible!

Of course, there is such a thing as healthy fear. Fear of fire, speeding cars, and wild gorillas keeps us safe. But when fear blocks our ability to live, it’s quite unhealthy.

Fear of change is another big one, and a really difficult one to overcome because the world is constantly changing. There’s no way to change or avoid that fact. The trick is not to identify with the changes, and remember you’re a human being whose very state of existence will always be flowing.

So where does all this fear come from? Often, it stems from desire. We want to be loved. We want to be happy. We want to be fulfilled. But do these basic desires, which we all share, send us down the right path? A good way to determine this is to ask yourself some simple questions in the face of your next desire:

What is it that I really need?

Why do I need to be appreciated? [and Do I appreciate myself?]

Why would I need someone’s approval?

Do I really want this?

Answering these questions honestly helps get to what really matters to you. And if you realize you don’t actually want whatever it is you thought you wanted, because you don’t need someone else to fulfill that for you, the fear of not getting it vanishes. How great is that? Imagine the relief.

A really common obstacle to this, though, is something a lot of gay men have – an insistent yearning for something “out there.” But “out there” is an illusion. It’s our ego playing a game with us: If only he loved me. If only I were more muscular. If only I had more money. If only, If only, If only. The ifonlyness can quickly go off the charts, if we let it. But if we accept ourselves, others will too.

So how do you clear your path to lasting romance of all this blocking fear? With a leaf blower full of some effective coping techniques:

• Stop viewing fear as an enemy that must be dominated. That only feeds more fear. Instead, just draw your attention to what’s arising and allow it to dissolve.

• Strive to “let it be.” The Beatles had this right. Feeling fear is a part of being human, so accept that. Some people call this making friends with fear because having awareness allows you to be open to making a shift.

• Recognize fear for what it is: the ego trying to control you and others.

• Remember that fear gets all its power from YOU. But if you can be still [let it be] and refuse to be moved [back off, Ego!] that power fades and fear goes away.

So the next time you’re faced with a fear around love, instead of running from it just stop. Do your best to reframe it using some of these techniques. I think you’ll be amazed at what you learn about yourself.