Posts Tagged ‘truth’

Coaching, the Miss Bliss Way

Saturday, December 27th, 2014

relationship coaching for gay male relationshipsAs you know by now, when I make my matches I go way beyond physical attributes, geographical locations, and hobbies. I dive into the personality, psyche, and motivations of my clients. I coach them through the entire process of opening up to love and finding it. Which is so much more satisfying than comparing check boxes on intake forms.

The coaching I do for my clients is extraordinarily empowering for them; it helps them approach and experience the process with a feeling of action. Like they’re participating in their own search; their own journey to love.

When you’re my client, we talk about the fears and challenges you’ve had in the past, but we don’t get stuck in the past. We look at the future and how I can support you to make a change. Now, that’s not to say I’m a therapist because I’m not. We don’t really look at the deep-seated root of the problem. But I do help with developing practical ways you can shift the behaviors and perceptions that are holding you back.

This is because, as I say quite frequently, the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. You have to look at these things if you want to be successful in your search for love.

For me, it goes back to the core value of conceive / believe / achieve. I guide my clients through making the choices that are really right for them. I raise awareness of where they hold back, and help them know what their own story is. Once we have a breakthrough, they make healthier choices for their life, which helps clears the way for them to create a healthy relationship.

But sustainable change in life doesn’t happen in one session. It’s an ongoing process and I suggest ten + coaching sessions to make a shift to where you can create a healthy, sustainable relationship. Through it all, I give tons of advice, we talk through solutions, and have a ton of back-and-forth.

The result is pretty phenomenal. My clients get more clarity and understanding, feel more fulfilled, and become more empowered. It’s one of the most gratifying parts of what I do. I just love it!

I’ve even seen clients drop friends. They don’t maintain relationships that aren’t healthy or that don’t’ support their shift. The refuse to be a doormat any longer, if that was the case in their lives before. They take charge, gain power, and become a force for good and for change in their own lives. sometimes that upsets the dynamic between friends and leaves little choice but to part ways. And that’s not a bad thing; that’s growth. And if people do leave your life, know that others will come in. You’ll attract people who will be good for you, who support the new and improved version of you – friends, peers, cohorts, and ultimately, a love relationship.

In my coaching, I create a place where you’ll feel safe, and can let go of so much. Best of all: It’s a 100% completely judge-free zone. In fact, I don’t even own a gavel.

“I am manifesting.”

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Make I am statements and manifest your futureHere’s a great quote from Neville, a spiritual teacher and philosopher who died in 1972:

Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be, for in that determined assumption you and your Infinite Being are merged in creative unity, and with your Infinite Being all things are possible.

I used this quote in one of my recent workshops and I like to remind my clients and catches of this because it really makes sense. People in general – myself included – tend to forget that we have this undeniable force and we very strong manifesters. So if we talk about the things we are not [I’m not patient, I’m not attractive, I’m not successful, I’m not lovable, etc.] these things are just going to continue to show up in our life.

So I challenge my clients to shift their perspective. Instead, create “I am”s. Some examples:

I am passionate.

I am happy.

I am determined.

I am successful.

I am in a relationship.

I am going to travel the world.

And so on.

This exercise had a huge impact in the workshop! It did indeed change the way some participants viewed things. It opened some eyes.

Even if you don’t believe these “I am”s in the moment, you can still incorporate them into a daily ritual. Make the statements, and don’t assume they may or may not be true.

Another quote I love, that’s tied to manifestation, is “Everything that has been conceived was once imagined.” Think about how true that actually is, from the invention of the paper clip to the manifestation of a happy life, well-lived.

This concept is so powerful in relationships. If we start imagining that wonderful man in our lives, if we have the power to conceive this, with a little determination we can manifest it.

What are your “I am”s? Make a list of them. Try repeating them out loud, at least once a day. Remember, they can be wide-ranging and they are unique to you. You never have to show them to anyone. But if you’d like to share some of them, I am all ears. (OMG, I just made another “I am” statement. See how easy it is?)

More examples:

I am learning another language.

I am going skiing this winter.

I am taking an art class.

I am a great communicator.

I am worthy of respect.

Whatever it is, whatever appears on this list, it should be there because it fulfills you and makes you happy. Eventually, repetition will lead to belief in these statements and in your own power to manifest them. And the more you manifest the things that fulfill you, the more open you are to finding someone to share all your wonderful “I am”s with, and who will share his with you.

Now get to “I am”ing. I am hoping to hear from you!

Why gay matchmaking with Finding Bliss?

Monday, December 19th, 2011

why matchmaking with finding bliss, self-aware, relationship with selfThere are two reasons to hire a matchmaker.

The first is logical: You’re frustrated with the bars, don’t have the time or energy for online dating, sick of sorting through profiles, etc. That’s the practical side of it, right?

And there’s an emotional reason to hire a matchmaker, too. It could be that you’ve experienced a lot of rejection in your life as a gay man and you want to avoid the rejection that often comes in the dating world – or at least as much of it as possible. A matchmaker pre-screens people for you, and can help in this regard.

Other emotional reasons could be that you don’t feel you deserve a relationship or it’s not worth all the effort.

I mention these to explain that I help clients create a shift in their lives, and I do that through the coaching that I do. In the course of our relationship, I constantly come back to a few touchstones that I know to be true. Mainly, that no matter who you are you are worthy of love and it can happen to you. You can give and receive love. I’ve seen it happen too many times with clients who thought otherwise. But I showed them!

Forging relationships is also hard for gay men in general because most are extremely giving people by nature, and it’s hard for them to receive or accept love. I tell these clients that they can have a fulfilled, happy life if they really want it.

One of the great parts of what I do is that when a client does meet The One, that special man to call his own, it doesn’t even matter if the introduction to that man comes through me. Sometimes, a client will meet the guy himself!

The point is that my coaching gets you to a place where it can happen – where you open to love. And this is the shift I’m talking about…the shift you make in your life that wouldn’t happen without the coaching. The one that gets you ready to find the man of your dreams. It’s the shift I go for. Everything after that – meeting the man included – is easy.

As you can imagine, making a shift like this takes time. On average, it takes one of my clients six to nine months to find someone, although this is not always the case! One client found Mr. Right after two sessions with me; for another, it took nearly two years. But it isn’t a race or a contest. It’s your life. And love happens for you the way it’s supposed to happen for you. And you know what? The client for whom it took two years told me that it was completely worth it.

In some ways, the most important match I make is the one I help you make with yourself, which I think is pretty cool.

Let’s Hear It for Flexible Pickiness

Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

“I’m picky” is a phrase single gay men use a lot when people ask them why they’re single, or why they don’t date very much. It’s usually meant as an all-encompassing excuse. And it’s an easy one to make because it’s open to interpretation.

It could mean “I’m too busy to think about dating,” or “I don’t really want to date right now,” or even “It’s none of your business.” Sometimes it means, “That’s a really personal question and I don’t know you well enough to answer you with complete honesty so I’ll just give you my standard reply that’s hard to argue with.” We can convey some of these difficult things without opening a can of worms or offending anyone when we say, “I’m picky.” It tends to end the line of questioning right then and there. We can all relate on some level, so pickiness gets a free pass as an excuse, even when it doesn’t quite make sense.

To me, however, it always makes sense. Not because of any of the reasons I stated above but because of this simple fact: It’s okay to be picky.

There, I said it. Pickiness gets a bad rap in the dating world. We tend to think of it as a negative thing. I think of it as a positive quality. I like it when my clients are picky. For a few reasons.

First, I want my clients to be happy. That means meeting and connecting with the kind of person they’re looking for. If it takes a six-foot tall, blond-haired, blue-collar type with a moustache and a green thumb to make you happy, then let’s find you a six-foot tall, blond-haired, blue-collar type with a moustache and a green thumb.

Second, it helps narrow the field. A whole lot of thought goes into my process of matching my clients and it’s not just about who you’ll spark to. It’s also about who you absolutely will not spark to. Being picky focuses both of us on the goal.

Third, while I routinely challenge my clients to go beyond their limits, I also want them to speak their truth. And you can’t do that unless you’re honest with yourself about what you want.

All that said, I do love it when a client stays open to the concept of “flexible pickiness.” If I want to introduce you to a 5’10” black-haired, white-collar type with a beard who collects 18th century Lithuanian flatware, then naturally I’m thrilled if your answer is “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” I’m asking you to consider it because I think there’s potential there.

So, by all means, be picky. Voice your preference for the blond plumber if you think he’s the only man who can make you happy. But stay open to the red-headed banker. You might just be pleasantly surprised.